baby is due on Jan 16th. Yes, I know my blogs reflect my thoughts, and my thoughts are occupied by little Abby. I'm going to miss being pregnant. I'm going to miss knowing that she's safe inside me, moving and kicking every once in a while. So close to me.

*sigh*

I hear labor is awesome too... not to keen on the pain.

This holiday season, JC and I spent a lot of time with family. At the brink of starting our own family, we're trying to reinforce the bonds we have. It's been great. After the end of the festivities for New Year's, we had a few days left before I could distract myself with work.

The newest obsession is Settlers of Catan. If you like strategy games, you'll love this one. Highly addictive.

The first day JC and I learned how to play, we were up till 4:00am. It's like a combination of Risk and Warcraft and Civ. Lots o' fun.

I also bought a puzzle, that was just finished yesterday. It was challenging enough to be enjoyable.

The exciting world of someone who's about to pop out a baby any day now.

Although, I did go to Le Bernadin for dinner. Yummy! Each course was awesome, with the mild dissappointment of the main - a touch too salty. They gave us an extra dessert because I was pregnant. I think they also gave us a bigger table because of baby as well. We're trying to squeeze in a few more restaurants before baby gets here.

We're so looking forward to meeting her. *sigh* It's just a waiting game. Officially, it's only 9  more days!

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB122756745919254459.html

"Speak assertively. Eliminate the phrase "I'm sorry" from your vocabulary, unless it's truly warranted. Women tend to apologize for situations that they aren't responsible for, which demonstrates weakness, says Ms. Spence. Don't begin sentences with the phrase "I think," as it demeans what you're saying, says Ms. Dunkel. Take a cue from your male co-workers and be direct and confident. Practice removing any traces of tentativeness from your vocabulary and be declarative when you speak."

I agree with the above statements. I almost never apologize at work, because it really doesn't matter. It's more important that the situation gets resolved and doesn't repeat itself again. No one really cares if you felt sorry, they just want to know how to fix the problem and that it won't happen again.

As for the rest of the vocabulary cues, they make sense. As much as you want to be a team player, over-doing it makes you come off as weak... humility as well. I think that it's a few more years till the male/female dynamic in the workforce matches that of the classroom. I never had these problems in my global studies class in HS.

This year, JC's paternal side has decided to have a Secret Santa gift giving arrangement this year instead of getting gifts for everyone. I'm glad for that, since it gets harder and harder to find useful and thoughtful gifts every year. We find that everyone has everything. And for me, there's nothing that I really want. Well, there *are* things that I sorta want, but I wouldn't feel comfortable receiving it as a gift. Diamond tennis bracelet? Ha!

Even though everyone is weathering the financial gloom and doom just fine, it's hard not to think twice about spending. I was waiting in line at from Dunkin Donuts, and all of a suddent it seemed really expensive to spend $4 on a cup of coffee and two donuts that I don't even need. http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"> name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"> name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 12"> name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 12">

Not to mention the empty calories. So, I hopped off the line and went back to the office. (I had just purchased 5 sponge cakes in Chinatown.)

This holiday season, I sorta just want to give Target Gift certificates to everyone since I know that's what people will use. Does that seem cheezy? How would you react if you got a Target Gift certificate for the holidays?

She sat there in a corner with a tear stained face. Feeling so alone and abandoned. Her pride has left her and she is yearning for a new champion to fill the void. She grasps desperately, hoping to find a renewed inspiration. Its not how it was 15 years ago, 10 years, 5 years... where new experiences, new faces, and new casual compliments morph into the key that unlocks and releases the unhappiness. She looks forward, around, and outside, but neglects to look back. She can't look back. The invisible wall tells her that its beneath her to look back and rekindle. The ashes have burned out, and far be it for her to glide down from her self anointed grace to pick through and salvage what she left behind.

But ahead of her is nothingness.

Reluctantly, she glances back. Then looking back. Then slowing sliding back.

Nobody left her. The familiar faces never stopped smiling. The friends never stopped supporting, concerned, from a distance. You can come back, to the comforts of people who knew you before. Who understand how you've grown. Who value you for your honesty, your vulnerability. All without judgment, without internalized notches indicating self made milestones that used to define who she was. Brazen, braggart... slowing down to find a humility in her own... reaching out again. To be reclaimed.

I've got two more months to go, and I'm feeling great. I feel fat, but I'm getting used to my belly. Baby kicks regularly, and we play music for her. I'm becoming clumsy so I've been forced to slow down. I never really considered myself to be a doting mother, but everyone tells me that things will change. That magically, my priorities will change, and my child will become the most important thing in my life. It's a strange shift... from living it up for me, now I'll be living for baby. I'm thinking about baby more, and I can't wait to meet her.

15 things that change after you have a baby:

1. You finally stop to smell the roses, because your baby is in your arms.
2. Where you once believed you were fearless, you now find yourself afraid.
3. The sacrifices you thought you made to have a child no longer seem like sacrifices.
4. You respect your body ... finally.
5. You respect your parents and love them in a new way.
6. You find that your baby's pain feels much worse than your own.
7. You believe once again in the things you believed in as a child.
8. You lose touch with the people in your life whom you should have banished years ago.
9. Your heart breaks much more easily.
10. You think of someone else 234,836,178,976 times a day.
11. Every day is a surprise.
12. Bodily functions are no longer repulsive. In fact, they please you. (Hooray for poop!)
13. You look at your baby in the mirror instead of yourself.
14. You become a morning person.
15. Your love becomes limitless, a superhuman power.

After spotting this table at Harrods, we knew that we HAD to get it. At the time, we were still planning on traveling, so making arrangements to ship it home didn't make sense. 6 months later, we've placed the order for this super cool table, and a month from now, we'll have our own Jupe table! Okay, it's a Jupe replica, but the original Robert Jupe is selling at Christie's for $300,000+ dollars.

There is a cooler one, but it was cost prohibitive. This difference is
that in the Fletcher Capstan, the expansion leaves store within the
same device. These tables are designed to go on million dollar yachts. Sure! Order me up one in Brazilian Rosewood as soon as my yacht gets in!
http://onemansblog.com/2008/01/22/the-amazing-fletcher-capstan-table/

I want it.

As part of my daily routine, I take a pre-natal vitamin with a glass of milk every morning. It had shocked me that I was paying $4.70 for a gallon of milk, since we've jumped on the organic train. I follow up with some other breakfast type sustenance.

I leisurely make my way to work, and when I settle in, I pop a lovely little prune. I have about one a day. I was out of prunes, so I had to restock. At home, I have those Costco/BJ's sized bag of prunes. I'm not really keen on taking a 5 pound bag of prunes to work, so I put it into a little plastic container. Clean... or so I thought.

Yummy. Apparently, the half pint container was formerly used to house something of my mother's concoction that included a lot of spice. So, now my prunes have a little kick to them, and some sort of indescribable taste... sorta of like a thai kitchen gone nuts. I guess I'll have to be mindful to bring it home and change the container.

At some point, you realize there's no use talking about things anymore. Talking things out is helpful if you're trying to figure things out. Especially when there's some sort of decision point. Talking things out doesn't make sense when its the same thing over and over. So, what do you do? Shrug it off and chalk it up to the things you can't change? Just teach yourself to care less?

*breath*

Just let it go.