With my two little children growing by leaps and bounds, and amazing me with every little milestone, I can’t help but feel like I’m getting old. To add to that sentiment, I start seeing the people around me age as well.

My grandmother passed at 96 years old in Thailand with 5 children, 10 grand children, and 5 great grandchildren. She led a full life, and passed in her sleep. For a good while, we knew that she was approaching her final days- and this day is more of a culmination of a lingering sorrow. I’ve been saddened by the loss of this woman’s spirit. Born of a dragon, she was a strong and fiesty. She was never afraid to speak her mind, and was a shrewd business woman. She was independent to the very end, her spirit giving way only to her body.

It’s been years since I last saw with her. I had planned to visit her while we were traveling, then after my daughter was born, then after my son, then after things settle down at work. Soon it became years since she made fun of my American accent, and reminded me of how she taught me to play cards. I wish I could impart on my children her presence, her fearlessness, and her spirit that the her experiences reinforced, but time seemed to erode away. I wish I could somehow capture everything she was, and show my children everything they’re a part of. Right now they’re too young to understand, but in a few years they’ll understand, and ask, and wonder. 

In a few years, I hope that I can recount the memories with the vibrance of who she was, with the little anecdotes that bring stories to the blood that we share. I see how a part of her spirit courses through the veins of my mother, me, and my spirited daughter.

When I was in college, I imagined traveling for work to be glamorous. I envisioned well dressed pretty people jet setting around, solving the country’s profound systematic problems. I’d have a super high tech lap top and a wardrobe that would’ve made Elle Woods squeal. I’d glide through the terminal corridors, with my luggage practically floating behind me. Hotels would have chocolates on the pillow, and meals would be spiced up with stories that tickle the funny bones of other seasoned work travelers. 

Reality is not quite living up to that.

As a woman, you’ve got to squeeze in the extra pair of shoes.

I’ve been stuck in the Greater Rochester Airport for 3 hours. There is no way for me to get comfortable on these airport benches. No matter how much I twist, turn, and contort, it’s going to be impossible for me to try to sneak in some much needed sleep. Not that the plane is much better. Unfortunately, first class is out of our corporate budgets for a while.

I’m tired of going through the security checks at the airports… with the smallest airports exercising the most thorough screening. The inflated sense of duty is mixed with the local speed quotient resulting in a super slow work rate. Yes, that’s my driver’s license, and my boarding pass, and I look like the picture in the license, and the name on the license matches the boarding pass. All good? Molasses Mo just wasted 20 minutes of my time because he doesn’t know how to speed up the process. This is the only time I’d like invoke racial profiling, easy for a young asian chic to say.

Then it’s the ridiculous ordeal of taking off the shoes, jacket, laptop, toiletries, etc. Seriously? Shoe bombs? That’s sooooo 2001! Like I’m really going to be able to get any combustion going with my flip flops. And I can’t bring liquids through? That squarely benefits the vendors selling Poland Spring for a three thousand percent markup. I go to Costco- I know how much that shit costs. 

Charging for carry ons? Yeah, that means people have overstuffed bags plus a few extra personal items that they try to squeeze into the overhead. Carry-on, Laptop bag, book bag, purse, shopping bag, straw hat… ? Come on! Where the heck do you really think you’ll fit your crap? (Parents traveling with small children are excluded… those folks need all the tricks they can fit in their bag to keep their kids quiet) 

As I write this, the bar is closing down- only food available for purchase in this whole place is reduced to a few bags of chips, two salads, and a sandwich. I’m far from being a food snob, but I do have some standards for sustenance. I’m better off letting this beer mingle undisturbed in my empty stomach than have it mingle with some wilty salad and grossly ill refrigerated sandwich.

It’s somewhat sad that my return to the blogosphere is inspired by the rants of airline travel. Maybe it’s the subversive way to discourage air travel in efforts to reduce everyone’s carbon footprint. Eh, if only the evil system were so progressive. 

Oh man, the bartender hands me my bill, and all I hear is the sound of everyone’s corporate card slapped down on the counter with a tinge of defeat. Those surrounding the bar are all equally annoyed to still be here. Probably more annoyed that the bar is closing down.

Rule 1: Life is not fair – get used to it! 

Rule 2: The world doesn’t care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself. 

Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won’t be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both. 

Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss. 

Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity. 

Rule 6: If you mess up, it’s not your parents’ fault, so don’t whine about your mistakes, learn from them. 

Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren’t as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent’s generation, try delousing the closet in your own room. 

Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they’ll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn’t bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life. 

Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don’t get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time. 

Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs. 

Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you’ll end up working for one.

I’ve become more of a serious person lately. I have less patience than I did, and things stress me out more. I’m not exactly sure if stressed is the right word. More like, angry at a situation. I get annoyed that there are only so many hours in a day. I get annoyed when I find that I’m wasting time, or I can’t do two things at once. I get annoyed that I actually have to sleep, instead of doing something productive. 

I get so angry that i feel my jaw tighten. I try to fight through the exhaustion, to the point where my performance is suffering, and then I force myself to sleep. Other times I can’t sleep, I waste time trying to decompress… only to realize that I’m never going to be able to catch up on my sleep if I’m up late trying to “relax.”

I wish I had more time in my day to do more. I wish I had more time in the day to work harder.

Sometimes you just need a restart.

I haven’t blogged in a while to recover some anonymity. And given how everyone’s migrated off of Xanga, I think this might be the time to do it. There are a few reasons I want to come back to blogging…

1. Get back my communication skills. Between Tweets and Facebook updates, my ability to form grammatically complex yet concise sentences have gone down the tubes. Having two children, 17 and 2 months young, changes the concept of thinking on your feet. I’m also very worried about my writing. I used to love to write. Now I think my writing just sucks.

2. Progress Meter- of sorts. Every few months, I’d take an audit of where I am in life and grade myself. Having the ability to scroll back and see where I was compared to where I want to be helps me figure out what I need to focus on. I don’t remember the last time I made that assessment. I’m due for one, but the context has totally changed. Again, children change everything.

3. Just to be a bit more prolific. Maybe, one day, my children will read this. Hopefully they’re in their mid 20′s and have the proper perspective.

This blog has changed, and so have I. I guess there’s always more growing up to do.

I’ve been down in Miami for almost three weeks. I’ve got another week to go before I head back up to NY. The first two weeks were busy with getting the place furnished. A was a distraction a lot of the time, but she’s a trooper. Now that most of the furniture is in, along with a few luxuries extra amenities, it’s become more of a home. Unfortunately, I don’t. Feel quite at home just yet. Perhaps it’s because I don’t have my routine down. Although, as anyone with kids will tell you, a routine is what your kids say it is.

I’m a Miami mom. I wake with A, get her dressed and fed. Then I have to figure out what to do to entertain myself and A for the rest of the day. The weather is getting nicer, although eighty degrees is not quite beach weather yet. I think I want to invest in a better stroller while I’m down here, but I dread dragging it back to New York.

Eh. I think I need to find something to do that will keep me from going stir crazy. I miss working.

I had a cute iMac that had all of my music. I finally migrated my music. It’s amazing how music can bring you back to an emotional place.

Playing: Hold You in My Arms

I’m glad that I moved my music over. I don’t need pictures or trinkets to remind me of a special time. I still remember when I first heard the song. The song took hold of me at a time when I was constantly running. I was beginning to run out of gas when this song just helped me to breathe again.

• 14:09 Off to Atlantic city without the munchkin. Party party party! #

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• 14:09 Off to Atlantic city without the munchkin. Party party party! #

Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

• 14:09 Off to Atlantic city without the munchkin. Party party party! #

Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter